Astor’s Journal

I knew the boy once.  Back when I was bound by yet another law of the realm to give councel and training to sons of knights.  William had yet to return from the saides; being the ever loyal knight to his Lord Donovan.  Young Aarin was barely 5 and I thought it a joke that I should be forced to come, take up the valuable time of his household try to speak to the child of knightly matters.  I was a brash fresh knight then and looking forward to my first year in the saides as a rogue knight for the realm.  

His wide green eyes stared as he climbed up onto the rail fence while I dismounted blade.  The sun suddenly peaked through the clouds of the day and I know it had set my armor ablaze.  I saw the boy was in awe as I walked up, armor ringing and clanging.  I steadied my sword and with a betraying sigh of annoyance bent down close to address him.

“Young Aarin?  I am Johnathan Astor, rogue knight of the realm.  The council bid me to visit you in your father’s absence can provide knightly councel and training.”

The boy stood still with his jaw hanging in the air.  It’s funny how it closely resembles the look on his face when I impaled his father right in front of him.  Stupid fool should have never come home let alone be foolish enough to take his son as his squire.  The law forbids it for a reason.  The poor boy had been full of life and daring once, but now he refuses to look at me.  When I had come to greet him back on that day he had nearly leapt at me once he found his voice.

“Oh sir!  Do you know my father?  Can I ride with you?” and the harping did not stop until I granted him a ride on blade.  I took off my armor and pulled boy up into the saddle before me.  I think I might have actually smiled as we started pushing blade to jump every log and fence on the manor grounds.

Aarin was laughing as he clung to his mane and I to him.  At the end he fell off into a large bale of hay laughing still as blade nibbled at him playfully.  It had been a gorgeous day and for once I had forgotten my goals, the glory of the saides and the drive to be the best knight of the realm.  Instead I was content to stay and teach the little boy what little he could absorb and go for yet a few more rides that same day.

I had stayed for the summer but it must have run quickly from his mind as the time flew that year.  Now almost the same age I was when that magical summer occurred, the boy only has hate and contempt for me.  He will cut me down under the same right to brotherly combat that I used to strike at his father who slayed my love by accident.

I will die by the boy’s hands.  I know it.  He is already a strong and able fighter.  I will train him as the law dictates.  I will look after him like the little brother he seemed be so long ago.  But I can not expect anything from him… he will always hate me no matter how I care for him.